So I work in a Grocery Store

I was scanning items like I usually do at work (despite you may see people who make being a checker look hard, it isn’t) and I got a tiny paper cut from one of those ginormous stupid women’s magazines explaining HOW TO PLEASURE YOUR MAN or something else to the extent like HAIR SECRETS AND YOU — HOW THE WIND AFFECTS YOUR ROOTS.

You understand right? regardless I look at the lady and go “your stupid magazine gave me a paper cut and it hurts really laugh.” She pretty much should have just scoffed at me and laughed. Wait… wait she did.

OH I HATE YOU CUSTOMERS.

As I stand here in my kitchen writing to everyone who reads my anger induced posts about my grocery store experiences I can’t help but think of several things.

1. How freaking COOL is to be on the internet in A KITCHEN with no cords attached.
2. I will never be a good cook because I am very manly. I like to thank that if I have it on the highest heat setting on the stovetop that things will cook faster.. totally unknowing the fact that it ruins a lot of things.
3. You can actually have too much cheese.

But I digress, I’m sure I could make people laugh about my kitchen ettiquite.. or lack there of but I don’t want to feel like too big of an idiot, I do know my bounds. Anyways, today I would like to write this post simply entitled:

We Scan Your Items, and oh yes, we judge.

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So you can forgive me for the lack of updates, hell the last update I made wasn’t even written by me, I just snagged it from a website one day while I do what I do every day, nothing. But anyways I want to talk about a little thing in the grocery business called the express lane. Its a pretty simple thing, at least I always figured it was up until I met the people I was to be scanning groceries for.

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“10 things your grocery store doesn’t want you to know.”

Personally, I think it should be retitled “10 things you should know with your common sense, unless you’re a god damn retard.” So it pretty much means 10 things the customers at my store wouldn’t ever comprehend.

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I’m not a machine!! Evil robots just aren’t for me. no no no.

I don’t necessarily think I’m the best employee at our fine grocery store, but at the same time I am a lot better than the people I work with. The thing is, if you are in a union you don’t have to be that employee all-star

More after the break.

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I hope you lovers didn’t think I was going to just leave you with a silly picture for a post and call it a day were you? Oh no no no, not me.

Actually I was but then I laid in bed thinking about how I was mistreating you and figured I should throw out a quick post or something of the like to keep the mouth salivating for more. Not more blood hopefully, because If I have vampire readers I’m absolutely terrified. I don’t have much garlic in the house and silver is pretty gaudy.

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Well.. wow.
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Before I get to the actual post, I would just like to point out that drycereal.net has re-opened.. if you didn’t know, they are the kind fellows that are graciously hosting the grocery store blog, so if you have the time check them out. I would also like to say that I am going to try and schedule days where I’m going to post. and right now I’m looking at posting on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays. As a website owner, I am going to go ahead and please please please beg you that if you like what you see and you get some sort of kick out of it, tell your friends, send the link out there. Theres nothing more than people reading my work. Also don’t be afraid to post comments, etc I love to hear feedback; whether positive or negative.

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My websites bandwidth totally got eaten up for the rest of a month, in a matter of days into this billing cycle.

Don’t actually think that I had that many visitors hit up the website, oh no no no no. Numbers have dropped from about 1k hits a month from last year to about 400ish. Anyways, if you stopped by and were getting an error that was the exact reason.

I figure I’m more of a vocal storyteller and I get too ancy in the ol pantsys to write out a very descriptive story and it can really ruin the punchline of a story, so I think I will be throwing down some podcasts soon.

If you really don’t understand what a podcast is, its pretty much someone talking to a microphone/themselves for a good long while. Regardless, this isn’t anything new to me. I’ve been doing Vocal News over on the site that hosts SiwiagS for a good two years and those are so bad and cheesebally I figure they will fit this website well too.

I’m very amused by children that are with their parents when they come to the store. Although they are slightly cute, they are very deranged creatures, I’m not even going to lie about it. For example today, a small child of 2 or 3 was shouting DOODY DOODY over and over again. Me, having no personal children experience I usually have no fucking clue as to what kids are rambling about so I kept it to myself and just kept it to a giggle inside my head. I figured the mother caught the confused/amused look on my face and she smiled and I looked and said “uh.. is he really saying doody?” she laughed and said yes. I don’t really understand where these kids pick up these things.

Another instance was the other night when another kid around the same age group was talking to me about GOD KNOWS what but then when he was leaving I did the whole “im waving to a little kid and i look like a fucking retard” wave and I turned to help the next customer who promptly said “I think hes blowing you a kiss.” I turn back around and god damn it, he sure was.

Whats gotten into kids these days?