Lets pretend just for a second I didn’t forget my username/password to log in to write on this. Yea its been a while, so what you wanna fight about it?

I sit here eating my bowl of delicious smacks cereal (which impressively always makes urine smell awkward, don’t believe me TRY IT) I find it strikingly odd that I finally get people to READ what I have to write and then I stop writing, oh how cruel this world works. Regardless, I should really start writing simply to keep these people happy before I start getting my house egged or something to that effect.

Before I get into the jibblets and tidbits, I just want to thank everyone for their kind words, and that I’m trying my best.

If theres a mistake somewhere and your item is mispriced, even THOUGH we HAVE NOTHING to do with it, you make it our problems, and judging on how you go about making our problem can either lead to a pleasant or a pleasurable (not sexually, thats not how we roll) experience. Please recognize that if an item rings up wrong, we didn’t do it on purpose for shits and giggles just to annoy you.

Like honestly, what kind of person would be in a check stand and see someone and go “oh I’m TOTALLY going to ring up his fruit at twice its price.” “sir that will be 3.99″ to which the target replies, “what I thought it was only 1.99!??”

“It was, until I decided to randomly raise the price and mock your intelligence. Hell, I’m totally going to pocket the two extra dollars, maybe even shit in your mouth.”

Seriously customers of the world there are literally THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of items in a grocery store and there are going to be item prices that aren’t updated from time to time. Just calm down, and recognize this.. being polite is key. You treat us nicely and mention the mistake and we will take care of it. Realize that 99% of the time these mistakes are probably no less than a dollar, but people seriously care about these dollars way too much.. and I can totally understand that if you’re on a budget, or in the VERY RARE ULTRA RARE case you are budgetting your food stamps to full effect.

We are not out to get you.

I don’t know how I can imply that more strongly… maybe the store should have a slogan or advertising case of sorts, my god. If are a checker of sorts, or about to enter the business, let me entertain your emotions and your imagination about a certain set of people who think this, they come into the store, will eye you and instantly see a scammer inside their head.. and you know what they will think you are out to get them, and your best bet is to live up to that, be out to get them. I don’t mean to totally stereotype the entire asian culture, but for some reason or another their belief is that everyone is out to steal their well earned money and will stop at nothing to charge them extra on every single item. HOLY SHIT, I just get so angry thinking of the laps I’ve run around the store checking prices for them.

90% of the time THEY ARE WRONG, maybe they weren’t squinting hard enough (oh god that was awful) but I just don’t understand whats so big about making sure EVERY SINGLE ITEM is perfect. The best thing is that if it is off a little, they don’t want it. So now, I’ve ran around the store, am probably covered in sweat, and now have amassed a gigantic line of pissed off people because your eggs didn’t ring up at 1 dollar, when they were clearly 2.49.

I kid you not the other night, I had an asian lady, AFTER I FINISHED RINGING UP HER ORDER, (did I mention she was on the phone?) she looks at her receipt just as I am beginning another order for another customer shes turns to me and says “the eggs 1 dollar” to which I heard “eggs 1 dorrar”. I finish ringing up the PATIENT customer and turn my attention to her and give her the confused “1 dollar..? Let me go see.” So I head to the back of the store, and would you look at that NOT A SIGN IN THE WORLD that says eggs are a dollar, so I jog back up to my checkstand and ask for her to point out the price to me, so she joins me back to the area where the eggs are and she points at a sign.

I proceed to check out the sign, which happened to be above the eggs, but lo and behold above the sign were gingerbread houses with the price of $10.99. You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I deal with this lady for a good 10 minutes and she can’t even read a fucking SIGN that states GINGERBREAD FUCKING HOUSES YOU DUMB BROAD. $10.99. Fuck, it wasn’t even a dollar you can’t get much worse than that.

Thats a good start for now I suppose. I began writing this and ended up writing about three other things, which I have tucked away and saved for now and will continue writing them in the future. I’ll try to write twice a week, get on some sort of schedule, but no promises!! I’m off now to go google SMACKS URINE SMELL. enjoy life and remember treat your grocery checkers nicely, we can always squish your grapes.