Awkward is the new funny. In all honesty I’m pretty damn sure theres no way around it. While… awkward at the time, in retrospect these moments always end up the funniest.

As a checker you get your regulars, and you form some sort of strange friendship… or maybe relationship with a customer. Its definitely not friendship, just some sort of awkward acquaintance.

So naturally there’s this girl that has been coming to the store for as long as I have been working and shes around the same age as me, mid-20’s (OKAY THATS WIERD SAYING THAT, its 3AM and I think I ruined my day.) and shes a bit quiet, but always really nice and cordial. Always nicely dressed, got the whole business casual thing girls have going on when they work in the offices so she seems to have a good head on her shoulders and responsible.

So she comes in the other day and I’m scanning her groceries. You know, the typical 20something groceries; tomatos, celery, salad, cool I see you’re making a salad thats pretty awesome. As a checker you kind of get a feel for what people are eating. So anyways continue with the order oh hey look some cup of ramen, cup of ramen, PREGNANCY TEST, cup of ramen.

WAIT HOLY FUCK? PREGNANCY TEST.

Totally blind sides me, here I am scanning some healthy greens and some quick snacks when out from left field is A PREGNANCY TEST. I kind of tense up, oh god, do I say something, do I give it a special bag or do I just go on like normal? Oh god help me.

I’m pretty sure I did what any normal checker would do.

I threw it in her bag of cup of ramen and hide it under a stack of ramen. If those cup o noodle’s were the cookie that surrounds a fortune, OH MAN YOU ARE IN FOR A SURPRISE.

Crisis averted right? Good job Chris you got this under control, deep breath. Now to end the order with something smart, don’t be an idiot.

“Have a good night.” I say as shes paid and takes her groceries.

SHIT.

Is that even the right thing to say?? Whenever there is a pregnancy test involved I really don’t know what the proper thing to say is… good night? Good Luck? I hope its not yours? Shes lying because you dumped her, its a girls go to drill? Don’t pee on your ipod shuffle on accident, they do look alike? Enjoy 18 years of responsibility you obviously aren’t ready for if you are coming into a grocery store for a pregnancy test, you didn’t even buy a name brand?

Hell if I know, but man pregnancy tests are just a confusing matter.